Should you keep the same informal tone with former colleagues?

Switching register abruptly creates more distance than is needed. The familiar tone can stay, provided the role is clear in other ways: what matters is not how you address each other, but being able to hold a decision or give negative feedback without the friendship being used as an argument.

How do you handle a colleague who was hoping for the job?

By raising the subject quickly, one to one, without denying it or apologising for it. Acknowledging their disappointment, saying what you value in their work and asking what they need to stay engaged is often enough. Avoiding the conversation lets disappointment turn into opposition.

How long does this transition take?

There is no standard duration, but the first months are decisive: that is when the team forms its view of the new manager. Habits formed during that period, good or bad, are hard to change afterwards. Hence the value of support from the moment you take up the role rather than after the first difficulties.

Becoming your former colleagues' manager

On Friday, Thomas had lunch with his colleagues and discussed the latest reorganisation with them. On Monday, he is their manager. Nobody has changed, and everything has. At lunch, conversations stop when he arrives. A former partner in crime asks him, half laughing, whether he is going to “keep turning a blind eye” to his late arrivals.

Thomas has not made a single decision yet. He is already in a new position.

What changes without being announced

The appointment changes three things at once. The manager now has access to information they cannot share. They will have to assess people they were close to. And their own manager expects them to carry decisions they may have been criticising the week before.

None of this is said explicitly, and that is precisely the problem: everyone interprets the change in their own way.

Talking about the transition rather than putting up with it

The first useful step is a one-to-one with each team member in the first few weeks. The point is not to announce a programme, but to name what is changing: “I am now your manager, that changes some things between us, and I would rather we talked about it.”

These conversations are also a chance to ask each person what works, what should change and what they expect from the new manager. They provide a baseline to refer back to later, when less popular decisions have to be made.

The three most common mistakes

Carrying on doing the team’s work. It is reassuring, since it is what you know how to do. But every task taken back is a responsibility taken away from someone, and less time for the manager’s role.

Pulling people up before clarifying. Criticising a late arrival or a behaviour that the old way of working tolerated feels unfair. You first need to say what is expected from now on, and only then enforce it.

Trying to stay liked by everyone. A new manager who avoids every unpopular decision quickly loses the respect they hoped to keep.

These situations are part of The manager-leader toolkit.

Not forgetting your own line manager

The transition is not only played out with the team. The new manager also has to understand what their own manager really expects, negotiate room for manoeuvre and know how to escalate difficulties without appearing overwhelmed. It is a learning curve in its own right, which we cover in The manager-leader toolkit.

Finally, new managers gain a great deal from exchanging with peers going through the same stage. Professional co-development offers that setting: each person brings a real situation, and the group helps them work through it.

From colleague to manager: the first six months